Now, all of you put your minds at ease....I am NOT pregnant. However, my darling sister is. And she and I have been on the search for some cute maternity clothes, since she lives clear out in outer darkness (ok, maybe not OUTER darkness....maybe just in a very remote area of the United States) where really her only options are Target, Old Navy, and ONLINE. But really, there isn't a lot available, unless you want to look like a big fat WHALE in a big fat TENT. Or...if you want all of your fat to hang out. That is an option, too. If you think your arms are sexy when you are pregnant, then please proceed to your nearest maternity dealer and buy the tight-armsleeved concoctions. Me personally? My arms are nice and flabby, and pimply and bumpy and disgusting when I'm pregnant.
And in searching for my sister's wardrobe, I stumbled across one the most hideous things I have ever seen in my life.
ENTER Heidi Klum.
Now everyone knows Heidi. She is gorgeous. Right? Right.
But.......I have to say something to her.
Thank you, Heidi, for reminding us that we are not all as beautiful, thin, and glamorous and you. Thank you for reminding us that you NEVER eat carbs (Pasta.....said in a German accent) EVER. Not ever ever ever ever. Thank you for reminding us that you don't gain one lb. during your fabulous pregnancies. And thank you for delivering your fourth child and then walking down the cat-walk in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show a few months ago. We ALL wanted to throw something at our television screens. I bet some ladies actually did (come on,
admit it!!!!!)
This should be outlawed. Check out Heidi Klum's Lavish maternity line here
And don't forget to purchase this fabulous little number, essential for EVERY pregnant woman's wardrobe:
Is this for real? Is she joking? Fabulous? Or hideous???? You be the judge.
If any of you have any suggestions for cute NORMAL maternity clothes, please leave me some love.........(oh, and it can't break the bank, we don't live in Happy-ville where we all drive Escalades and have designer diaper bags and designer maternity clothes, and travel everywhere with our mothers in tow...... sound familiar? Hey, I can say it, I'm not from Utah.)
7 comments:
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I love the idea for your website- nothideousmaternity.com. Perfect.
Also love the last line. SO true.
Too funny! You girls crack me up!
Tell Joy I LOVED my rouching tops from Shade. Wore them with everything! Not too many colors to choose from right now, but worth a try?
Also, many of the "junior" tops from TJ, Ross, etc are more blousey and long so I could get away with wearing those until I was huge.
Good luck in the hunt!
I agree, I think i found quite a few tops at Shade and TJ Maxx....and I know Downeast Basics once in a while will carry a few things that work, too....
You are hilarious and your last line could not be more true. Just for the record...I knew exactly what you were talking about! Drives me cuckoo!
Please Please tell me you got the Unitard for Joy! It is a must have! Awesome!
Um let me tell you how many girls come in like this. Oh my mom has the kids somewhere and then somehow they have to find the gma and kids just in time for the gma to offer to pay...Hmm. Also I am pretty sure catwoman called and wants her jumpsuit back!
I haven't had a baby in over 6 years so I'm not good for maternity clothes advice (although I have seen some lately at Costco that looked cute) anyway I'm glad you liked the flip flops. You and Joy saw the post early on before I decided that the glue gun didn't cut it. You have to use an epoxy glue to make it hold. Just thought I'd let you know, thanks for checking in on me!
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